Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
