whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
