Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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