My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
