I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I want to be your penis for a week.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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