I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
