Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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