...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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