what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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