Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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