I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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