You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
