Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
