At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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