I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still banned from the library?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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