Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
