Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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