you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
