she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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