With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
