Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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