Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
