Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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