I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize