I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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