I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
