I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
