I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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