i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize