finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Let's get the cat blown out
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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