based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
