I accidentally had phone sex last night
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
