oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
