i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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