so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
