is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
