You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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