My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
