Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
