I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I just sharted jello shots
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