One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
