also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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