So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
