I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
