It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Please, let me fuck your mom
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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