It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
