One girl and one boy is just not enough.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
