I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
