that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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