I'm drive I can fine osifer
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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