I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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