jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
