I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
