I hope mine doesn't look like that
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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