i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
