I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
