Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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