yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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