He told me they were just razor bumps!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My feet surprised me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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