dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
