I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!