just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
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She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
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ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle