I wish I only lived at night.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype