You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
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I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.