I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...