return my video game
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"