3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.