dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
