There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
