Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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