I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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