And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
