oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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