we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
