I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
