He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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