So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
