It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
