I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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