so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize