i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
